somebody should just give me a really nice house, and a whole bunch of money, so that i could put the many hours that i watch home decorating shows to use.

THESE PAST TWO DAYS HAVE BEEN SO LOVELY. and i have tomorrow off, so that’s a bonus!

i’m wearing a fucking baggy ass t shirt tomorrow to work. i don’t even give a fuck that i’m going to be there all day. i need comfort tomorrow.

Sometimes, I feel completely helpless. So disconnected from everybody else, without any ideas on how to change that. I try to just go on, and live my life normally, pretending that I don’t feel absolutely lost in what they’ve become and what has changed around me. But it never goes away. Things don’t just magically become resolved without some form of conflict drawing them out. They are never fully over until something big happens to help push it along. And right now, I feel no big movements afoot. It feels like nothing is going to happen to change the way things have turned out. Everybody will just ignore it, put it in their back pockets and sit on it, hoping it will eventually just clear itself up. But it never will. You can’t just pretend it never happened, you have to talk it out, dumb ass. 
I basically feel powerless, knowing it’s none of my business to butt in and push that “big moment” in the right direction. So I will just smile, while it lurks in some unlocked cabinet of my mind, eating away at my conscience, until eventually I just say “fuck it”, and give people one big rude awakening. And wait for resolution to come.